I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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