I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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