I need help removing her.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
