i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
