Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
