he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
