She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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