Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
