Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
