Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
