But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
