nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
