I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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