well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
