once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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