I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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