Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize