All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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