no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
