Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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