Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He passed out mid-signature
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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