Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hippo gnu deer
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
