You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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