Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
