i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
