Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
