Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i believe in u and ur pee
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
