Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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