Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize