I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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