He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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