I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
