Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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