i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
