I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
