I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
