420 ftw
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
