This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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