after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
