So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
