Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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