This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
