Moan for me like Helen Keller
I could have mohawked her pubes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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