she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
