I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
