my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
