I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
