I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
