Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
