The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dignity is for republicans.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
