My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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