FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
