we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
