i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
