Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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