I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
