So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
