Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize