I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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