is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
