she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
