i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
