god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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