Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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