can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
