One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
