Why are handjobs necessary in class?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
